I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
