u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
