I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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