Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
