I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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