"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
