I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
