I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize