i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
