Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize