when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
