just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
