I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
