You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
