with your own penis?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
