he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
