I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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