Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
