Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
