youre lurking in front of me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
