dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
