Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
