well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
