Whod you bang
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
