fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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