Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
