Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
