Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
