How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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