So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
