one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
