my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
