i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
