Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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