Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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