dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize