i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
