I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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