I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
