the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
