Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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