I'm going to jail i love you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
