I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
