I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
