peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
