Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
