There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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