Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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