We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
