So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
