i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
