Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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