why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
