i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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