now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
