help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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