I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
