My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Blood and glitter go together right?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
