do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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