just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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