i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize