i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
