You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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