My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
