the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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