I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
