i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
