I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
