You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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