There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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