I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I understand Curling. That high.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
