guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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