So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
