omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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