you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my shit smells like andre
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
