did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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