he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
