I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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