How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize