Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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