I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
