so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
