it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
