So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
