i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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