I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
