The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize