Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
