i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
