were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
