There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
