i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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