Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
