tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
