Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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