Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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